Hurt People Hurt People?
You know the popular saying, “Hurt people hurt people.”
I’ve heard it used in countless settings. Pastors say it from the pulpit. Friends drop it in casual conversation. Psychologists post it on social media. The phrase is well-traveled and widely known.
But…
I’ve always wondered: Is this saying more hurtful than helpful?
Imagine someone who has just been betrayed, lost a loved one, is battling depression, heartbroken, or processing trauma. How does it feel to hear, “Hurt people hurt people”?
Hurt People Do Not Always Hurt People.
It’s an overgeneralization to claim that all hurt people hurt others. Jesus was deeply hurt—described as “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3)—yet He never harmed anyone. He didn’t wound relationships. He didn’t lash out in unhealthy and unjust anger. He never crushed someone’s self-worth with cruel words.
Jesus isn’t the only example. Throughout history, countless people have walked through profound suffering without projecting their pain in destructive ways.
Hurt people are not inherently dangerous. Hurt people should never feel like a social or relational threat. You should never feel that way just because you’re hurting.
Hurt People Sometimes Hurt People.
Yes, it’s true—sometimes that hurt people hurt others. Hurt people that don’t cope with their pain in healthy ways have the potential to hurt people. Hurt people that become bitter, unforgiving, and vengeful will hurt people. Hurt people that don’t pursue healing have the potential to hurt people. Hurt people can project their pain in unhealthy ways. Unhealed wounds can leak onto others. Many of us have done this in moments of pain.
If you’re hurting:
Pursue healing.
Choose forgiveness.
Allow God to heal your heart.
Allow God to shape your heart in your pain.
Notice when you are projecting your inner pain on your relationships.
Sometimes Hurt People Just Hurt.
Often, hurt people aren’t hurting anyone—they’re simply hurting.
And while hurting, they can still be:
Gentle
Kind
Forgiving
Compassionate
Capable of profound good
Hurt people are often some of the most beautiful people. They have been formed in the fiery furnaces of suffering, and they come out of it with incredible love and purpose in this world. Hurt people are also often some of the most loving and caring people. They know what it is like to hurt and need a caring human on the other end.
It is ok to hurt. Do not be afraid of your pain nor ashamed of your pain.
God can heal your hurt.
And…
God can turn your healed heart into a healing presence in a broken world.
There Are Better Days Ahead.
Much Love + Peace,
Wesley Towne, Founder